You are wife material – #proverbs31 Don’t let your emotions, impatience, or doubts get in the way of the kind of life God has called you. It doesn’t matter if you’re 16, 26, or. 56: Keep calm. Be patient. And don’t awaken love before its timing (ref. Song of Solomon 2:7).
The most antiquated expressions used these days amongst, African Men, African parents and families is the ‘Wife Material’ line – we crave a clear boundary between a wife and a mistress but Hellas! – every woman a man is bedding knows she is wife material, there is nothing like ‘side-chick’ it’s all in the man’s head and imagination. Every side chick wants to be a wife every wife wants to remain a wife – outside na ginger!! I may come across, as anachronistic but aren’t divorce rates the highest at present? Or is this a trend that fluctuates along the same lines as childbirth and population explosion?
Marriage they say is a sacred journey travelled only by the wisest and the bravest – that equation simply eliminates all the endless lists that women and men concoct in their minds about the absolute life partner that they all wish they can have and with or without pain or gain episodically get through the hurdles of life, coming out on the other side multiplied and divorced, multiplied and together, multiplied and unmarried or multiplied with other conscious couplings and swindling’s involved – Yes in a very unorthodox way, Africans have slowly embraced many values which would rather have remained unearthed by generations past.
The process to get to the altar is a ridiculously singular journey – no two are the same – which is baffling when some people think they have answers to a successful dating or marriage life – no one has the answers. It starts with a couple or more consumed by love and lust which in a selfish greed to satisfy both end up with sexual intimacy if unrestrained by religion or better judgement. This act then seals a sense of belonging especially in women who begin to feel like they are special and chosen, suddenly there is the urge to announce, to plan to even dream of little patters of footsteps with no assurance as to the authenticity of the relationship. It then moves to a next chapter of ‘The Alter’ and more, or the opposite – sometimes rushed and other times hushed.
Then the puns about Eros and romance starts sizzling like the coke that slept on your counter for days reality dawns and if the faintest of hearts is in despair the murk sets in and proper chaos is born before their first child or later on after a child or two – the quicker and wiser get out fast – some trudge along thinking it’s a curse that’s indifferent regardless of the persons concerned – deal with it and move on with life –reality about love and lust becomes nought! I say this as a result of my subversive squalid imagination that roams in and out of situations – seeking answers.
In one of our quest to unravel what the term ‘Wife Material’ embodies, we delve into the tale of how Catherina & Nadia were on a challenge they knew nothing about! While Phil the challenger was as confused and drowned in a pool of emotional urgency he had to disentangle to make a decision.
Catharina and Bella were the best of friends you’d ever imagine walked the earth – the kind of friendship that spoke no language – a simple gesture or look was good enough to give away every single thing by a simple signal and executed without uttering a word – nothing, ‘almost ’ nothing could come between these two friends even blatant truth – like the “bath water” theory goes you cannot throw the baby out with the bath water which is what Bella spent all her time telling Rina. She shortened Catharina’s name in a mocking way to say it was either too long or too old – they both understood and accepted Rina but whenever she used Catherina it meant the issue at hand was so serious she always had to draw her friends attention and get her focus by calling her Catherina instead of Rina.
They both had lived through the harrowing tales of University life and kind of complimented each other and finished each others sentences pretty much – so when Rina started dating her bush-faller boyfriend Phil, all she needed was one look and a nod from Bella to affirm her cheek in tongue assurance she had got herself a Purfect Catch in Phil. They spent a lot of weekends together as Phil had moved back home to start his own IT business / E-Commerce business with one of the leading names in the market in West Africa. He had cut himself a fine freelance deal that allowed him capacity to plan for his own establishment and understand the market at base level. Life wasn’t that smooth starting back anew in a country he had been away from for over two decades – especially since he left his girlfriend Nadia back in London.
The trend and the banter in town was that women throw themselves at anything remotely successful regardless of its commitment to one woman or two…the thirst for accolades and the advent of Beyoncé’s put a ring on it made women a lot vocal with their feelings when it came to marriage and settling down… this was another attribute of the society Phil had relocated to and was blatantly unwilling to cooperate until he met Catherina!
Phil actually had no timeline in his head when his wedding had to take place… Living in the economic capital of the country and dating someone out of town did not mean commitment was on the horizon. He had met Catherina on one of his outstation trips to the southwest coast that he secretly felt she was the best thing that ever happened to him and his return … His trips became more frequent and every reason for him to visit the south coast was priority… He was his own boss, he owned a technological suit, which sold new gadgets to companies and customers but also he worked with local and international telecoms companies who he patronised on a B2B level, he was pretty much set.
A thousand and one things were on his mind but he had set his sights on getting engaged and married pretty soon, he wanted to settle down so soon that he felt the choice was weighing on him emotionally – he found himself engulfed by two beautiful women and a WIFE MATERIAL was all he needed to drive his choice.
He wanted to hid to his mum’s advice to go for everything but looks. Now, as complex as that felt, Phil was unsure what that “everything else” embodied… When he was with Catherina she left him puzzled at how experience she was for someone who had never left the Southwest Coast… She was very eloquent, fluent, intellectually upbeat on many subjects and she had a thick Camer-britico accent that got worse when he was around, but it sounded sexy… Very sexy, especially in the bedroom!
He loved the way she got down and dirty, a proper whore in the bedroom and lady on the street… She was carefree and daring… Incidents like him driving back from the nightclub when she decides to give him a proper lolly-slide as he drove out of the beach club. He cannot remember how he got home, he was not drunk, but she left his speeding down the high-street without any recollection of his own name – as she stayed down flexing her expertise in deep throating… For the first time in his life he knew that was the woman he wanted to marry. She was every man’s fantasy on legs and Nadia never ever surfaced or made him feel guilty because suddenly Rina was ‘IT’.
She was obsessed with his body and her hands never stooped rummaging through his body in public or at home. She was such a slut… So cheeky and sassy that even cooking to her was an art… She was an artistic cook and made sure to decorate or write on the plate of food or hide tricks she would make him find and read out like ‘ what spot do I have close to my ribcage’ she knew it was a untrue but she made up little nuggets like these to get his attention … It always ended up in a random search, clothes flying off any direction and him eating a couple of hours later when she joked he was the ‘right kind of hungry’.
Catherina was every man’s dream… She was very atypical for a chick that had barely seen the four walls of a plane – literally her life was a romantic novel and she stated categorically that she didn’t pine for any man… Men courted her and her itsy bitsy waist and Africa map size ass for her prowess in bed-matics as she always quibbled – she was simply irresistible. She had everything it took and needed and she knew she had bagged this Phil.
Phil was never in town for any more than four days so she made sure he remembered his stay and always came back to her regardless… She had set her sights on him and his persona was what she wanted in a husband material, he ticked all the boxes plus his love for her was as thick as his lust – that worked out well – She liked it and she loved him.
On another turf – there was Nadia, a girl Phil met through mutual friends in the UK and she was the complete opposite of Rina. She was very stoic very organised very career driven and melodramatically inclined to perfection, which Phil always referred to as OCD… She was so organised… Calm headed and very homely… She wasn’t bad in the sack but she was nothing compared to Rina… Nothing….
On a beautiful dry season weekend, Bella and Rina had a rendezvous together. It was such a chore for them now to hang out as best friends since Phil’s arrival into Rina’s life, but they had vowed to hang out together at least once a week.
Bella had waited way past the time they had scheduled to meet and was almost paying for her drinks when Rina walked into MARS restaurant panting … Her always-flawless Brazilian hair extensions a little Ruffled and her flowery summer dress literally spilling her boobs all the way down like the dress was struggling to cope with such un-copious amount of beauty in one place… As usual her big charming smile made Bella unable to speak her mind so she mooted Rina’s entry
“Hi madam… can you tell the bartender to give a round to the whole restaurant to celebrate your entry” rolling her eyes she sighed so loud – kissing her teeth in frustration.
Rina rushed over and gave her a huge engulfing hug – “my boo boo how are you? longest time babe’s…” she pulled a seat
Why are you pulling that face asked Bella “you look like you just won the lottery”
“It’s better than the lottery babe’s… I first of all need to wear my undies; I took them out in the car and feel naked walking around without them…
Bella stared at her friend with a very familiar disgusting glare… “Seriously – you need prayers, who takes off their undies in broad daylight and walks about naked… Are u a hooker now – babe’s pastor TB Jo delivers demons of nakedness too oh… We should book Achouka one way to Nigeria…
They both laughed so hard as Rina recounted her encounter with Phil who shortly stepped into town to hand her a new suitcase of fashion accessories and some cash “babe’s the boy has monopoly style money I swear”… She said cracking up… “You should make sure to stop by my home and get some goodies… You know I cannot wear it all… I need help plus lately I hate clothes – I prefer my birthday suit these days”… Hihihihi Rina laughed
Bella slapped her hard across the shoulder muttering under her breath ‘you’re such a humble brag – iiissshhh’
” I have no choice… I must hold this one, he is in my net and I smell marriage all over him… OH babe’s imagine our wedding – Grand and shot by the best photography in Camer the likes of Penjo-Baba and talked about in blogs like TheHotjem, Irepcamer and kamerkongossa_ spread on the pages of Fab Afrique magazine… OH imagine…
“Stop daydreaming madam… Sometimes marriage is a sentimentalists tag for quick sex, as you sit here writing sonnets about how `Mr Phil feels you up – have you met any member of his family, have you been to his own house, have you spoken about marriage to him at all… Or you are just giving him a commodity in exchange for mbombo bills… Make sure u know what you are getting into because I am not ready for any heartbreak!! You have changed for this man… Giving him literally everything you held scared… You have turned to something else woman… Get yourself together and make sure you know how many eggs not to put in this basket… Get a grip Rina, shut your mouth about this guy because you are drooling over him so badly your dress is soaked from your own spit…
As usual Rina laughed so loud… To get more onlookers attention and she shook off all Bella’s advice in one action – she stood up slapped her Ass and evoked her anthem “Woman power- magic honey pot” as she waltzed down to the reception to place her food order.
Bella sat watching as Rina waltz her skinny frame all boobs and ass down the restaurant wondering if truly Phil has monopoly style money but more so if Phil actually ever meant to marry her friend Rina – even more shockingly if Rina was “WIFE MATERIAL” at all and what about her BELLA?
———————TO BE CONTINUED————————
We have not heard Nadia’s side of this story – Watch out for that in part Two PHIL’S CHOICE
———————TO BE CONTINUED————————
PROPERTY OF DOROTHY DIAMOND – DO NOTA SHARE REPRODUCE OR REPLICATE WITHOUT APPROPRIATE CREDIT.
Quote on Wife material from the salon
Before, a woman’s identity was shaped by how she was connected to her family, first as a daughter, then as wife and mother. Now she often has a period of single independence. And being in such a period as a 20-something single woman, I attest that it can feel both exhilarating and tempestuous, as thrillingly liberating as it is often lonely, surprising, blissful and straight-up mundane