Help! Man^glish translators needed!!

Uti Nwachukwu is so hot we can barely understand what he is saying… If you do please send us a transcript in English cos his Sexy manglish is messing our hormones so badly we are having blurred vision. Courtesy of Bella Naija we bring you his script uncut.

He wrote:

Why you never marry Na?
Hmmmm how old is she? Why isn’t she married??
This one he is still single. Maybe he traded his marriage for wealth via JuJu
They say She was very promiscuous in her young days o! And see her she is married!! Where is my own LORRRRRD!!!! WHY ME??!!!

My word!
I think Nigerians are the hardest to convince that times have changed!
Which is why we are finding it hard to fully develop as a country? #FACT!
The amount of importance and relevance attached to marriage in this side of the world is the main reason for DEPRESSION, FAILURE, UNFULFILLED LIVES, PRETENSE AND UNREPORTED SUICIDE! And I’m not talking about the single folks here!

Don’t get me wrong I am not anti-marriage! I am very Pro Marriage – for the right reasons!
It’s crazy shocking and alarming that till now people still succumb to pressure and just marry the next person they date!
In my opinion it is better to die single than to marry and be stuck with the wrong person! Cos that itself is early death!

First of all parents need to chill!
You have lived your lives, produced and raised good children… If you did a good job at it, you should trust your kids enough to make the right adult decisions at the right time! Stop the pressure!! Some of you have forced your kids into abusive relationships just so that you can save face and Brag that ahh all my children are married ooo! So continue bragging when you have to go and fetch their bodies from a Hospital or even worse a mortuary!! Yep it’s been happening in this country. Husbands beating their wives to death…wives stabbing or shooting their husbands.
Thank God for the kind of parents and Family I have o.

Then society needs to shut the hell up!
The truth is…people that are happily married and busy raising a family have absolutely no time to bother about who is single, why they are single, who is married and staying married.
Most embarrassingly a married person getting involved in gossip about singles. Kai!!! Signs of a failing/unhappy marriage include- serious levels of Aproko! Hahaha

On a more serious note my opinion is this…expecting everyone to get and stay married is like expecting everyone to be Rich and famous! IT WONT HAPPEN!
The earlier we accept the better for us!
Most people do not listen to their spirits and or seek God deeply. They just fling themselves into unions just so they can be ‘MARRIED’.
Times have changed!
People are not staying married! Men are getting more and more irresponsible, women are getting more successful and intolerant of men’s childish behaviors and oh they are also bold enough to explore extra-marital affairs now.

It’s crazy how me, a bachelor, would go out to a club and at 2/3am I’m tired and I want to go home and the married dudes are saying…where u de go Na???? Party never finish!!
*straight face**
REALLY???!! Who is cuddling your wife at this ungodly hour? Why is she sleeping alone for Goodness sake!
Even worse is when a married person says…Uti introduce me to one small fine girl Na .i de de lonely sometimes ….
Very irresponsible but HEAVY STATEMENT.
Married and Lonely?? Hmmmmm
Let’s not forget that thanks to social media some equally lonely and bored housewives are snagging young fit men daily!!!! I mean the rate is alarming!
In some marriages the husbands are constantly cheating as well as the wives??!
So wait, why marry?!!!! Why??

And trust religious Fanatics to say God said a man shall leave his house and find a wife…etc. etc.
Really. DID God say a man MUST Marry?!
Is there a commandment that says THALL SHALT MARRY!
Yes Jesus said if you cannot hold yourself from fornicating then marry! But ALAS THERE is a commandment that clearly states: THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY!!!
So let’s not always pull out scriptures to support our bias.
If we do that one we go bible mortal combat. Lol

I don’t think people know what marriage vows are o!!! People are really take God for granted!!!!
Let’s analyze it:

TO HAVE AND TO HOLD (Meaning no more bikini babes. No more 6pack boys…no more random hookups! NO LIES!!!!You shall touch and sleep with only one person for the rest of your LIFE! Hmm is okay. Lol)
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH!! (No matter how sick your spouse gets. Even if worms are coming out of their body and they smell bad! You have to be there for them!!!!)
FOR BETTER OR WORSE! (No matter how bad things get! Even if Una quarrel and burn down the house! You stay!!)
FOR RICHER OR POORER!!! ( hehehe I won’t even touch this before some babes will say I’m swearing for them to marry a poor man…lol…but if he does get poor you stay)
And the one that freaks me out…. TILL DEATH DO US PART! ( meaning that the only thing that should separate you people is death!)

And you take this Vows / covenant before JEHOVAH ???
Well as for me I fear God too too much!!! We take Gods mercies for granted. Trust me if it was to swear JUJU most Nigerians will be too afraid to make these vows!!! But let me warn you. It’s worse to break a vow made before God o!!!! You are basically saying God deal with us if we don’t do this.
I watched my mother fulfill her Vows till my father died and I’m sure most us also watched and are still watching our parents fulfill their vows!

But what’s happening to us in this generation?

Please please please stop getting married because:
You are getting too old – We have a lot of 12 year olds walking around in the bodies of 30year olds! Maturity isn’t by age! It’s by the spirit! A lot of people are not spiritually mature enough!
You want to have kids! – My people if you can’t find someone and you want a child and you feel biological clock dey tick, either you adopt or do IVF/surrogacy!
Your Friends are married! – Lol. This is a big laugh … A lot of them are not HAPPY! But they will put on a show to make u feel they have one over you!
You want to cover up your sexuality – Society has pushed people into hiding so marriage is now a way to prove straightness. ..But that’s another article on the way
Money – You can have the whole world and still feel empty!
Your Pastor said… – Lol Is okay. I hope your pastor will repair and stay with both of you
Pressure from family and society – Na you go stay inside the marriage and wade the deep waters…Nobody will come and help you through the turbulent times! Marriage isn’t a bed of roses. It’s constant Hard work!

For me MARRIAGE like education is an INSTITUTION and not an OBLIGATION!

And life has shown us that neither has necessarily berthed success! Not all rich people are educated and vice versa.
Yes you need to be married to get certain appointments and positions etc. well if that’s the value you place on it. Then good luck to you. Everyman with him own. But leave others out of it!

In conclusion: Marriage to me should be a step taken when you meet someone and you just feel inside that this person understands you! They complete you! They get you! They calm your emotional storms! They lead you forward spiritually! When you combine to do anything, it’s always easier and mostly successful! That even when you fight, you can’t go for long without talking! Someone that’s patient with you! Someone that doesn’t need anything materialistic from you to make them happy! You know you are ready when no matter how many hotties u see, even though you look and applaud, the thought of your spouse makes them look plain and unexciting! Someone that makes you want to rush home every day after work! Someone you can just sit and talk about ANYTHING WITH. Someone you can gossip and laugh constantly with! Someone who inadvertently brings out all your good sides!


I personally would not walk down the aisle until I court someone who makes me feel this way.

The favour attached to marriage is immeasurable – HE WHO FINDS A WIFE FINDS A GOOD THING! GOD ALWAYS BLESSES AND FAVORS MARRIAGES!

Shout out to all the unpretentious married people brave enough to fulfill their vows and are living out their marital dreams. It isn’t easy and I applaud you. God has blessed you

I’m not married, I’ve never been so I am not speaking from experience. Plus I’m not saying my opinions must be accepted.

I’m talking from a reasonable open minded point of view of a man who interacts with people on a daily basis. So this is just my take on the issue, with regards to singles.

May God above reveal to us who He has chosen to spend the rest of our lives with and may He shower the unions with Love peace health wealth loyalty and happiness.


And remember …It always Begins with a Choice.


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