Nothing really matters
I don’t really care
What nobody tell me
I’m gonna be here
It’s a matter of extreme importance
My first teenage love affair
Nene cried herself to sleep listening over and over to Miss Alicia Keys. It was so Creed- it was all Creed. He loved this song to bits. The first time they hooked up in high school she knew nothing about love – she had just met this amazing guy in the same grade and suddenly his presence made her uneasy – she and her group of friends cherished his company more than anything in the world. Something about him was different and very attractive but they all knew the boundaries – if the man didn’t make a move it was a disgrace for a woman to do so, that was the era of her teenage innocent years… So she watched him and she waited, as the days went by she could tell without being told that she had for the first time in her life fallen in love!
Though in the same school, attending a few joint classes, he was science inclined so he spent a lot of his time in the science laboratory with the other cool in-the-know guys who were mutual friends to her group of friends. His name was Creed – not knowing how much he intrigued her and her group of friends he led his activities with very little invitation of anyone in his private space. He was like a demi-god to them. They all loved him and they knew it and talk about it to one another wondering if he will make a move and to who, in a group of five, three were single and all three equally stunning – no one had the courage to tell him how they felt, so they all tiptoed around him all through the first term.
The following term, Nene had basically grown out of expectation and rather moved to the anticipation stage – and her return to school was all about seeing Creed again. Rumour had it he had returned to the US but a close friend confided in Nene it was a holiday – so imagine her excitement when he was the first thing she saw on day one on campus heading to the office with a male elder – possibly his father!
He had lived his life abroad and loved hip-hop and R&B so he walked around campus, Walkman tucked into his jacket pocket and headphones on bobbing his head and hobbling to whatever tune he was listening to. By disciplinary standards that was so wrong but in another universe it made him cooler and different and the defiance on his face something more of a scornful snobbery stare that sets any of them straight and giddy at the same time – Creed!
Nene was shocked when she got her very first note from him… – it was expected as their eyes had caught a few times along the space between breakfast and lunch chats in a different kind of way… Like uneasy but yet heart warming – she thought and believed they had a connection – the note was handed to her by his best buddy Chad who had told her he went on a vacation and not relocation. She feigned being sick just to rush back to the dormitory and read the note in a quite private space – unfortunately, the letter made no sense, he was talking about his jeep and cars that he wanted to ride in… That threw Nene off.
Why? I thought it was a love note she intimated when they met in the corridors of her classroom and he went
” what? why do you want me to write you a love note?
“not really I just felt.. And her voice trailed into nothing as her shyness made her dig her heels into the hard concrete floor that she felt the flat of her feet ache… Had she embarrassed herself?
Right there in front of her, he pulled off his Walkman headphones and wore the over her head, his hands graced her cheek but didn’t linger, her heart skipped – then she understood it was more than a note he had sent her, it was a song a love song sexy dirty and explicit – but a love song after all… And she loved it… As she listened to the tune streaming from the Walkman – Keith Sweat hummed his number one
You remind me of something
I just can’t think of what it is
You remind me of my jeep, I wanna ride it
Something like my sound, I wanna pump it
Girl you look just like my cars, I wanna wax it
And something like my bank account
I wanna spend it, baby
That’s the song she lost her innocence to Creed to and she never looked back – the ensuing six years of her life was a roller-coaster of intense love emotions acquired from dating Mr Purfect. He was just so endearing she feared it made him vulnerable especially to women who didn’t care he had a woman in his life. She hated fighting for any man – the thought of it was ridiculous and outrageous, but with Creed, she wanted to fight – and made sure she was in charge – time together with him flew by so fast and graduation from university hit them like a bad joke – so they preferred never to broach the topic. In the last few months of their time at University, Creed finally revealed his father had decided that he had to return to the states and pursue a career in medicine, his parents she had never met, him being an only child wasn’t very helpful either so she clung to him day and night as the months turned to days and slowly hours and minutes – that is how and when last she saw the man she had loved with every fibre of her being – he tried to keep in touch and for over a year a couple of emails here and there but it trailed and trickled and altogether stopped – she had lost Creed…
He suddenly vanished into thin air like he never existed and her life went into a dark spiral of mental chase… Finding Creed in every man and relationship that almost blossomed in her life… When she couldn’t the relationship died a natural death until she met Richard. He was visiting from the US and lived a few houses from where she worked with extended maternal relatives – one afternoon they ran into each other at a cyber café and the romance was sudden – something about Creed after all those years surfaced and she fell in love with a man she thought looked and felt like Creed.
The fact is – hope is the thing with feathers as Emily Dickenson states so Nene sat through another 6 years relationship and watched her hope fly away through the windows, doors and any gaps that ever existed. Richard had turned to a completely different person and not the man she ever fell in love with.
Every day and every year sapped the energy and desire to love him but she fought through the skin on her bare bones to keep him on track…. He was clearly into a bad crowd and keeping late nights. Their wedding day had taken place in a rush so she could obtain a visa and join him in the United states – She could barely find time to know him well or his family either, so her dilemmas and silence abuse fell on deaf ears and blind eyes – she had no one to confide in – she was drowning and had no way of telling her family, the few friends she had made in Minnesota were not close enough to be let into her story so she fought her battles and kept a calm exterior and carried on for three years into her marriage being abused and beaten and raped – on some nights Richard will return home so stoned that she will succumb to his demands and wake up to slaps and kicks like nothing happened the night before – the curtains were down on love, darkness had taken over her soul -inflicted by a man she called husband ….
Richard rarely found the time to work so financially their situation was dire, he couldn’t help her but the little money she had she spent it paying their joint bills and putting food on the table. Nene had done beyond what any woman in her Shoe would have done as a sacrifice to keep Richard out of trouble to no avail.
It was either drugs, cheating, beating, assault, and insults. No matter how much she tried there was nothing she could do to change Rich, she could never win when it came to maintaining decorum in her relationship. It was slowly morphing into a situationship and something she dreaded telling her family about.
One day he had beaten her up so badly that her left eyes got bruised swollen and shot simply because she had questioned text messages on his phone and nude faceless pictures. On that same weekend her cousin was coming to visit so she took a hammer to her mini and bashed the side door so she could pass her face for an accident, successfully she convinced her brother she had an accident, at the same moment Rich was entering the living room – she put a brave face and a smile, gave him a welcome home kiss knowing fully well that he was home to make sure she wasn’t spilling any of their sordid dramas…
A fight between Richard and her Cousin would have lasted a lifetime and resulted in death because her cousin who she always introduced as her big brother since the age of five, never liked Richard for the simple fact that he still carried himself like a very irresponsible teenager, and he wasn’t afraid to call him out.
Life hadn’t dealt Nene a good hand of cards – so after her cousin left she got the ultimate drunk beaten for accepting her cousin to come and spend a couple of days in their home without his permission. Richard was a monster, her regret was too late – the blow on her head was so quick and with such lightning speed that she didn’t feel the pain – she just saw darkness – plain crisp and clear darkness – and that was the last thing she saw!
There was a very high possibility that she had fainted as she woke up in a hospital clothed in a hospital robe – she could tell she was in bad shape. She could barely feel the side of her face when she lifted her hand to touch it, she was wrapped up in massive bandages.
Her head throbbed, her tears couldn’t flow, or else the debilitating pain would kill her she thought so she tried to calm herself regardless – her heart sank from self-pity, how did she get here.
This was the end – this is the time she had to run for her life – she had to report Richard and make sure that a restraining order was in place before she lost her life – not in this way – no – as she plundered in immediate state of self-pity the doors opened and a team of doctors and nurses walked in, she could tell they had come for her as the nurse called her name using Richards surname – she managed to look at the nurse in question but her eyes were immediately drawn to the Doctor with a stethoscope, a haircut so familiar and for the last time a voice she could swear she had heard before – many time, he was leading the team and no one needed to decode what her bruised eyes were seeing – It was Creed!
Unless her eyes were failing her, her heart never failed her – it leapt out of her chest so hard and fast that she fainted – this time, she didn’t see blackness or a black mass – she saw a beautiful demi-god – Creed – and in her passive state she could tell she had a smile on her face as his voice started bathing and soothing her with medical instructions ! All she could whisper to herself was ‘Hope’…’Hope’ …’Hope’ that I’d see you again my love and I have! she was at peace with herself, with her state and possibly her vitals signs were encouraging enough to re-assure the team! But Creed she will wait no other day – she was making the move asap she could regain consciousness! But who is the new creed was he married, did he have kids, is he single – all those questions were nothing compared to his beautiful face engraved in her mind’s eye as she slept!
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