DEAR DIARY 1 HERE
DEAR DIARY 2 HERE
BURY TRUTH _ BURY OXYGEN
Mel’s funeral had pretty much happened in the snappiest way possible. Her mother and family members made it clear that as a defining practice in their culture, dying from suicide and being pregnant were the last state of the human form that were never viewed or laid in state. The reasoning simply stated that the evil of the act had to be cleansed and really quick too so that the family involved will not be haunted by the demons which drove the act to happen in the first place or give room for them to still loiter around possessing other potential family souls. Most families who had not adhered to the rules were sometimes considered pariahs and ascetic in the community.
As much as Catherine and Dinah wanted to spend more time with the remains of their best friend and sister, her family had made the ultimate decision as soon as the body landed at the National Airport. Her remains were taken directly to their village for burial and the ceremony was held later that day at their family residence in Douala. It felt very unreal and unbelievable that her body never got to their residence – a place she grew up in and called home.
To Dinah, the emptiness was devastating like an endless abyss of pain, but who were they to make any remarks contrary to what the family had agreed, Dinah sat at the reception in Mel’s home looking through childhood memorabilia’s including pictures , there was a hush hush-ness about the atmosphere, the mourning seemed to have dissipated and was replaced by some sort of unspoken silence almost mystical like some evil still lingered there – that just drove chills through her bones.
The Beynang’s were there, from Dinah’s family, Candice and their mother were present, Desmond their mother’s long time driver who was like the uncle that never departed from their mother’s side was there to support. It was such a huge relief having him there and every other familiar face with reassuring words of consolation.
The part that completely disintegrated Dinah and thawed her emotions was the unplanned presence of Tate, who she fondly called Tata, an accolade for a respectful male of the family. They had pretty much grown up together and went to same primary and secondary school – he was the brother and son Mrs Beynang never had. He gave Dinah the biggest most consoling hug ever, for the first time that day she had cried on his shoulder like a baby, Mel was truly never coming back and to this day, she knew nothing about the pain that had driven her to her death and how she could have helped her as a friend.
Tate’s arms were strong enough to hold a crying Dinah, but his raspy baritone voice did nothing to console her, instead it awakened a weakness in her that just made her breakdown, not sure whether it was for Mel or for the fact that she had missed him for so many months and odd years.
Growing up, Tate and her were best buddies. He was the smartest brightest button in his family and her mom always referred to him “brainbox”. She and Tate just gelled. They had both pursued different career paths under the influences from their financial standing and parental choices – he had stuck to sciences and Dinah, quite numerical too studied economics and maths, so they always had something in common, never tired of each other’s company or struggled to ignite a conversation though distance had drifted them so apart it was sometimes impossible to remember how close they use to be growing up.
He would make sure she approved of every girl he dated before making it official. There was always some level of apprehension when he brought a new girl around but she never wanted to accept the reason – he was five years older and to her he was always going to be the big brother and see her like his baby sister though deep down she knew she was – JEALOUS!
Keeping in touch with him over the years had been a struggle, a like, an inbox or comment on social media had kept their sole thread of communication going, she’d rung him up in Paris to say Mel had passed on and he’d never mentioned he was going to be around for the funeral. He always came across quite protective yet aloof, that got Dinah very confused most of the times. The greatest excuse he’s always given was that Dinah’s dad was a no-nonsense uncle and he didn’t want to cross or ever fall in his bad books, bearing in mind he had contributed to making him who he was.
At Justin’s funeral, Tate’s Eulogy for Justin moved the whole church into murmurs and tears – he read the most emotional Eulogy to the man he called dad, it was so outstanding Dinah almost chose not to mount the pulpit thinking her heartfelt words for her dad was nothing compared to the brilliant eulogy Tate had constructed.
It is said that people bond differently in life based on situations and experiences. Dinah’s father’s death made her and Tate have an experience they never ever addressed, because they couldn’t tell if it was grief or real. The emotions they had suppressed for so long calling each other sister and brother had suddenly overtaken both of them plus the grief on the night of Justin’s burial.
Dinah had managed to sneak to her room to cry her eyes out and be left alone to hurt and mourn her dad but half way through gloating in her silent sorrow someone had crawled into her bed hugged her tight and whispered to her that it was going to be OK… Life will go on and things will fall back into place. His hold was so reassuring and his hug was the strongest and most protective place that Dinah felt she could find solace after her pain. She melted to his touch turned around in bed and hugged him right back but the moment she looked into his big brown eyes she thawed, the attraction raw and vivid led to a kiss so powerful and almost magnetic than she’d ever imagined with no hesitation from neither party the chasm was broken… The intense strokes of the tongues mixed with the saltiness of their tears made the bond unbreakable. She was crying and he too was crying.
She clung to him for life and reassurance he held her tight because that’s all he had ever wanted to do… As the kissed deepened so did the strength in their grip, before she could comprehend what it meant he jumped out of bed, apologized and left her empty, horny, hurt and broken.
Seeing him again at Mel’s funeral made it awkward. She had spoken to him a couple of times but the incident that night was never broached and had been left hanging between them like tension from electric magnets.
The guests had come from far and near, regardless of how tragic the incident of Mel’s passing was the atmosphere was somber but not mournful. No dirges were played; the music was as pure and plain; it was a worship and evangelical event rather than a funeral. The goodbyes were quick and emotional but everyone had to leave at some point to give room for close family to grieve properly. Dinah drove home with her mom and Candice and uncle Desmond, while Catherine drove back with a couple of friends they’d invited all heading to Mrs Beynang’s residence to continue grieving with other members of the family and friends who couldn’t stay back as tradition had recommended.
The drive back was a quiet one, it was approximately a five-hour drive end to end both sides of the different towns. Dinah switched off and drifted into her thoughts … Seeing Tate at the funeral without any warning that he was coming was a little perplexing, but all the same very heart warming. His hug was so big and engulfing. She had to deal squarely with the fact that their attraction was a lot more than grief-driven… Justin was like a father to Tate because her dad had employed Tate’s dad and had even stepped in when Tate had decided to pursue a specialist engineering program in Paris… All the financial statements and support documents were given to him by Justin. So, Dinah could definitely feel his apprehension at the fact that they were potentially romantically attracted to each other – Awkward!
As the guests arrive Mrs Beynang’s residence Dinah noticed that Tate and his sister were already at their home both making guests comfortable and she curiously turned around to Candice and asked
“how did they get here so soon”
“who are they?” asked Candice sarcastically who from every indication could have been sleeping all through the last half of the journey just to avoid speaking to anyone, her new technique that drove their mom mental, her countenance had been anger and drama throughout, how could Dinah have forgotten so soon.
Dinah ignored the sarcasm in her tone and stepped out of the car, straightened her dress and walked up to Tate on the veranda. He stood watching her approach, she could barely read the expression on his face… He sometimes was rid of physical emotion, with a face so asymmetrical, bold and handsome with a full pair of lips and a tinge of fading beard he just looked stern over almost everything and never gave away much except for the fact that he was an absolutely stunning man.
She approached him and immediately he stretched out his hand and helped her finish the last couple of stairs heading to the landing as she caught her breath as she said
“didn’t know you were heading here as well?”
He smiled and asked
“did you expect me to leave my family in a time of need? … I guess no!”
That response was so like him… She had actually forgotten how pedantic he used to be with responses and behaviors. She smiled and bit lip as the lump in her throat bulged even harder like someone or something was constricting her from breathing.
Instinctively they both sat down and the silence was short but felt like an eternity. Then he broke the silence and asked her
“how are you holding up Di, I know how close you were with Mel, any indication as to what happened or what could have driven her to do such”?
Dinah felt the emptiness in her heart and her whole body… Every time the memory of Mel happy and alive came up, Dinah felt like a hole had surfaced in her heart and drained her joy. She swallowed painful tears as she managed to say
” it’s inconclusive at the moment but she seemed to have been managing her love life a lot worse than she portrayed to us all… She just let it suck her in and spit her out… She was broken and we all missed the signs of depression “
That description was enough to well her up and she opened her bag for some tissue but as gentlemanly as Tate was he already extended a hand with his handkerchief for her use.
She grabbed the handkerchief but his hand didn’t move, he held and squeezed her palm reassuringly and waved his hand signaling his sister to come over… It was so swift and he vanished passing Dinah to unto his sister like a piece of project to manage. The only other time Dinah spotted him that afternoon was when he was walking with a couple of men including uncle Desmond to BBQ stand set up at the backyard with a glass in hand and a keen conversation going on between all the men – she wondered just when Tata had grown into such a man already, she could still see them running in that same garden chasing their pet dog muppet, or playing leaf kites, now he walked amongst men older than him yet as one of them only ever so slightly taller and demanding in presence.
The day unfolded – the memories of Mel highlighted in every encounter and conversation, it suddenly turned into a remembrance of Justin and Mel as a lot of the guest and family present both lost something special in the two characters, remembering them as father and daughter slipped into every conversation while Mrs Beynang cringed at the mention of both names in tandem imagining a life after death with Justin Mel and a baby…
The bile in her throat rose and she kept busy… Bottom-line, she wasn’t sharing her husband’s property with a stranger not one who sneaked under her nose called her mama and fucked the man who in that scenario was supposed to be her daddy. Life can be unfair sometimes but that wasn’t unfair, that was a choice as much as her fucking Desmond was a choice and bearing his children was a choice and a secret she was happy to take to her grave.
The days had waned so quickly that plans to go back to the UK were afoot, Catherine had left a week before and she had a couple of days to put things together and make sure she was leaving her mom and sister in a much more reassuring place than she met them.
An unknown text message alerted her phone that morning
“Hi Dinah hope you are feeling a lot better after the events of the past days… Will be great to catch up and share a drink over lighter banter before you leave x”.
From an unknown number with a rendezvous location the exotic Jury’s she’d texted back in response
“Who is this? sorry”
“…IT’S TATE “
Was the response in capital letters and no full stop or punctuation? That was so Tate making a point to slyly insinuate she didn’t save his number over the funeral which was the last time they had seen each other and that was about twelve days exactly.
She had to hit back… There was something about her smart mouth that clashed with he’s as much as he’s did hers, so she texted back
“Well, Mr smart-ass… Rendezvous have a time and a place I only got one?”
And she waited… And waited, and waited, it took approximately the next day at noon when her phone alert went off and simply said
“IS 8PM OK?”
“YES” – she returned and regretted immediately.
With guys like Tate, used to having their way around and always almost being in control she should have made it a bit disappointing, but she had time… She sure had time to meet up with him at least one last time before the separated again for eons.
Dinner was unbelievably interesting, starting on a wrong foot from their texting aggression, ended up in a beautiful evening over wine, steak salad and a great great banter of nostalgic childhood memories. The evening was more than memorable as they retired, Tate took the cheque but something made Dinah anxious oh so anxious – not knowing whether they had actually dealt correctly with the tension that hung between them like a thick cloud of emotions.
In his most gentlemanly way he pulled back her seat and gave her a chance to grab her purse while he slipped her coat on with so much effortless ease like he did waiting on women for a living.
In sync with nature they held hands and walked out of the restaurant laughing and nudging each other at every point where the conversation seemed to be a hit on their person, the nudging was more from her as Tate seemed to be probing too much about her life and her love life and she kept pushing him off or giving him the weak shoulder punch to disguise her unease, to say the least, she found the questions very sexy.
They stood facing each other’s ride as though making a decision to part or not to part, with the grip on each other hand still waxing strong and warm, there was no desire to let go from Dinah and she did not need to know what Tate felt because it was all in his grip – strong and demanding.
“Come home with me, spend the evening with me – then we can talk about the rest of our lives together.” He said, almost like a whisper but loud enough to know the huskiness in his voice was more to do with the tension she too couldn’t contain anymore
“What do we do with the car, my car?” she asked as he pulled her to his chest – the answer never came out as they locked lips and just dove into each other’s soul with the thirstiest kiss she’d ever had in her life. This attraction was undeniable, the distance made it hard but she knew deep down that it was real, one of the reasons she avoided visiting him in Paris as he had once suggested – because she fooled herself it was one sided. NO !! it was mutual with the way he was seeking thirstily for her tongue it wasn’t the wine – it was lust and loved weaved in long time familiarity that made and welded a bond so strong nothing even time couldn’t snatch.
Finally, they both came out of the drowning kiss for some air, her body hotter than normal temperature and his hardness pressing against her lower belly did the talking. Her ‘yes’ was a nod, he opened the passenger door for her and when she was seated he took out his phone, not knowing who he was talking to she could hear him give the address and venue of the Jury’s and said to pick up Dinah’s car back to the Beynang’s resident.
Mrs Beynang normally never stayed up late unless she was meeting up with Desmond or was just at a social function, but it was abnormal for Dinah to be out of home at this time of the day since she returned for the burial of her friend… It was 1am, after midnight and she had not heard a word, her phone was not dialing at all, it ran straight to her voice message, so her worry levels were slightly on the alert as she drifted asleep on her couch without knowing.
The soft vibration of her phone woke her up and she saw Desmond’s name on her screen, looked at her clock and it was 2;13am, why was he calling her at this time, they had no plans to meet up that day – maybe he wanted to come over so she answered the call but with the voice of the employer as always just in case it was his wife.
“Hello” she said
“Hi it’s me” said Desmond
“I know it’s you just wanted to be sure, why are you ringing so late”?
“Nothing serious – Tate just got here with Dinah both with dead handsets and asked me to let you know she is safe” came Desmond’s almost happy response
“So she is sleeping over at your house?” asked Mrs Beynang
“Yes” said Desmond almost coyly like he was insinuating something
“With Tate?” asked Mrs Beynang, almost breathless and hoping for a ‘NO’
“Yes” – they are adults don’t sound so concerned – they greeted me at the door kissing and all over each other, I’m happy for my boy he’s had a thing for her ever since and he had mentioned he didn’t feel ready and confident enough to tell her , I am glad they both found their way back to each other – such childhood love and innocence always thrives, hope we can deal with this Susan…”
Hello – Hello – Hello!!
As Desmond’s voice faded on the handset Mrs Beynang had dropped to the floor, he had no idea she was slowly falling from the couch to the carpet holding a scream and a pain so hard hitting – her heartbeat was failing, and her body shattering into pieces of painful nothingness that she couldn’t contain, her body was giving into the shock of her greatest most unexpected crash into a pit she had dug for herself.
Did she say she was going to die with her secret? Not anymore, not in the face of INCEST! Her chest heaved inches higher than any normal breathing person’s, as she fainted to the ground and wept passionate tears of regret.
She had murdered herself, to say the least!
Tate and Dinah managed to make to his bedroom upstairs – though they it ere greeted by Uncle Desmond, Dinah only remembers her ‘hello uncle’ and the rest was a blur of kissing and hugging that dragged them through the stairs to Tate’s bedroom, there was nothing to take time about, there was nothing to slow down for tonight, they had practically found each other and there was no turning back.
As they peeled each other’s clothes off, body’s on each other doing a love dance of the highest echelon of cupids prescription – their heart beats were aligning, their love was fostering but their blood was clashing – the skies turned dark dark grey-oxblood and the paters on the roof were so powerful Dinah’s moaning was drowned amidst the thunderstorm as the skies wept for this day!
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